Posted by: Sarah | April 24, 2006

The Lost Blogs

Ever wondered what Alexander the Great’s blog would have been like if he’d had the technology? Or Shakespeare’s? Or Joan of Arc’s?

Wonder no more, for since 1721 generations of patient researchers have been unearthing not only these but also such gems of bloggery as the carpentry weblog of Jesus of Nazareth, Noah’s Digital Request for Pairs of Living Creatures and Julius Caesar’s Thoughts on the Ides of March.

It would be in 1912, after presenting one hundred and ninety one years of discoveries to the international scientific community in New York City, that investors would step in to help establish the World Organization for Manuscript Preservation* and erect the worldwide headquarters in the museum district of Stockholm, Sweden. To this day, the W.O.M.P. continues its quest (under the curatorship of Paul Davidson) to uncover and preserve historyโ€™s most important voices through the sharing of their digital documents and cyber-journals. The year 2006 marks the first time in W.O.M.P.โ€™s extended history that such documents have become available to the general public via the publishing of the archival compendium entitled The Lost Blogs.

The Lost Blogs:From Jesus to Jim Morrison–The Historically Inaccurate and Totally Fictitious Cyber Diaries of Everyone Worth Knowing will soon be available in print here and here. Meanwhile, extracts from some of these (a)historical blogs are available on the W.O.M.P website here. I find some of them more ribtickling than others. My favourite is from Alexander the Great’s Great Weblog:

Alexander the Great on how great his blog is:

“I have seen other blogs and I must be honest in telling you all that this blog would crush all other blogs if they were given weapons and set against each other in a blog-like coliseum of sorts. In fact, if this blog was unarmed and was put face to face in a battle with other blogs that were all given some kind of heavy weapon, this blog would still destroy all other blogs. That’s a pretty great blog (one that can destroy other armed blogs with its bare hands) if you ask me which you probably are asking at this very moment, which is why I’ve answered. Because had I not answered, well, this blog would not be as great as we all know it is.”

Runner up (for me) is Joan of Arc’s blog about her struggle to get a website URL per God’s request. Which is your favourite? And which other great characters from history would have blogged? I think we should be told…

*Link via Bibliophile Bookpen which was showcased here by Grumpy Old Bookman.



  1. I read both Geoffrey Chaucer’s blog: and Katherine Swyford’s blog: You have to be able to read Middle English though. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Maybe I’m a geek but I think blogging as a historical or fictional character is pretty funny. I wish I had the time to do it!

  2. I’d like to see blogs by some of the historical persons that appear in my novels.

    First of all, Wallenstein. He would not give away any personal stuff but he had such a varied scope of interests from war tactics and soldier psychology to horse breeding, astrology, arts, real estate management and some Emperor bashing. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Heinrich ‘the Lion’ Duke of Saxony would be a good candidate, too. Or the Icelandic writer, historian and politician Snorri Sturlasson.

    And of course, Edward and Isabella should both have a blog. *grin*

  3. Sounds great to me! I think King Arthur’s blog would be the same old boasting (I could leave some suitably rude comments though) but certain other figures from that era would be rivetin’ ๐Ÿ˜‰

  4. Great idea, Gabriele! Funnily enough, I have been thinking of writing an Isabella blog and a humorous Ed II one, but what with the ‘serious’ Ed one, the never-ending novel, and a job, I just don’t have the time. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

    I agree with Stephanie – I love Chaucer’s blog too. The latest post, by his son, literally made me cry with laughter.

  5. Silly me, I should have mentioned Chaucer’s blog as it’s on my blogroll and I chortle at it regularly.

    I’d love to see an Arthur blog, Alex. Preferably from the REAL King Arthur, of course…and those certain other figures…

    Meanwhile an anonymous researcher has just sent me this tantalizing extract from Boudica’s Bloody Blog’n’Roman Rant:

    “Phew. Today we walloped the namby-pamby Ninth Legion Hispana (those paella-eating runaway monkeys) and sent their C.O. Petillius “The Cornflake” Cerialis scuttling off with his tail between his legs. Effing Romans. If you ask me,they’re all mouth and lorica segmentata.”

  6. More! More! Boudica as she really, really was … Where’s the URL? Arthur could make a guest appearance, him being royalty and distantly related to her maj (apparently)

  7. I like The Real King Arthur’s Blog. It’d have a lot of contributors, all rubbishing each other’s claims, talking up their own prowess, complaining they can’t sleep for peasants/shepherds/knights stumbling into their cave and ringing the damn bell all the time, and posting opaque riddles and prophecies about their True Identity, the location of the Real Holy Grail, and how they plan to come back and save the world from international terrorism/global warming, only not quite yet.

    Does anyone else remember seeing a book called something like ‘Graet Unwritten Letters of History’? The first letter in it was a letter from a builder of Verona, sympathising with Juliet’s dad for the collapse of the balcony and explaining that it really wasn’t designed to have lovesick swains climbing up it and he should have put that in the job specification if he wanted it.

  8. As well as the others mentioned here, I’d like to see blogs by Richard III, plus Henry VIII and each of his wives. Heck, I think all of the Plantagenets and the Tudors should get bloggin’.

  9. I thought of Richard III first, followed immediately by Eleanor of Acquitaine. I think she totally would have blogged. What a way to sway public opinion!

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